Mixed Feelings

I wish getting cold feet wasn't a thing. The idea of being amidst Carrara marble and cobblestone streets in about a month's time, while once made me warm with excitement, now makes me fidgety. Even after all this time, I haven't been able to wrap my head around the thought of being truly independent. These days, it's as if I've conditioned myself to believe that change is good. That a semester away from all the support I've found solace in at Beloit could be transformative. That I'd eventually be happy surrounded by a new language and culture. But the closer my departure date gets, the more restless my sleep feels. I try very hard to believe that all my plans are well-crystallized, that Florence without Sukanya would be a cakewalk, that I could live off my own cooking for an entire semester, but I should probably stop joking to myself. Just a week back I was raring to go. Now I smile about "Study Abroad at SACI", but not without a slight waver, a little hiccup or a silly teardrop. And at the same time I find it... strange. It's so strange how certain I am that I'd be crushed if I didn't go. Is this always how nerves act up before a big change?